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About

About

Phil, that’s me, is regarded as one of the coolest, if not THE coolest beings in the universe and believe me there’s a lot of beings kicking around, so it’s kind of a big thing.

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I was extracted from an older, prettier version of me, 6.5 billion years ago during the age of unprotected and free flatulence.

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Unlike on earth, flatulence is considered an extremely sexy thing to do and can cause incredibly high levels of pleasure when preformed in the correct octave.

It was the time of the excessive intake of wapwaps throughout the universe which nearly destroyed our society.

Wapwaps

are a small spongy pill that when taken makes an individual believe that they are similar to one of your teapots on earth,  causing excessive whistling and wanting to show everyone your perceived, exceedingly large spout.

Pill-PNG

Wapwaps

are a small spongy pill that when taken makes an individual believe that they are similar to one of your teapots on earth, in addition to causing excessive whistling and wanting to show everyone your perceived, exceedingly large spout.

Pill-PNG
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I grew

up to be an unusually handsome, creative and intelligent being, an almost god like creature by human standards. Using my immense talents and excelling at everything I did I became a planetary manager for a small start up planet called earth. That’s where my life went to complete shit; because of you people.

This is why I’ve written this book, a guide to you becoming grown up beings, an insight into how the universe actually works and why the rest of us laugh at you. If just a million of you were to read this guide it would do wonders for your evolution.

I grew

up to be an unusually handsome, creative and intelligent being, an almost god like creature by human standards. Using my immense talents and excelling at everything I did I became a planetary manager for a small start up planet called earth. That’s where my life went to complete shit; because of you people.

This is why I’ve written this book, a guide to you becoming grown up beings, an insight into how the universe actually works and why the rest of us laugh at you. If just a million of you were to read this guide it would do wonders for your evolution.

phil-01

if you want to evolve into something worthwhile.

if you want to evolve into something worthwhile.

Quite frankly, after  four and a half billion years I need a vacation. If you want to do something nice for once and you know, thank me for life and the universe and all that stuff it would be really cool if you could sign my petition for the higher ups at work and I’ll offer you some really neat stuff in return.

to help me take a much needed vacation!
to continue being a dick.